Sincerest of Apologies.

Him:

Remember when I called you last Saturday at 9 pm and told you about the amazing time I was having at [Redacted]'s wedding.

Me:

Yes.

Him:

Well, I totally forgot to inform you about the debauchery that took place between the hours of 9:05 and 4 am. I also forgot to tell you they served whiskey, which is never a good idea for this cowboy. So anyways, Makers got the best of me and my Armani suit. First, on the dance floor during the electric slide while I sloshed it all over myself and some cute bridesmaid I was dancing with. You know, they really should make a taller rocks glass. And second, in the cab on the way home. If you get my drift.

Me:

Haaa. Ewwwww. No, you did tell me about the whiskey part. You mentioned something about how "tonight's gonna be crazy, totally off the chain." But go on...

Him:

Oh sh*t, did I really say that? But yes, totally. Absolutely digusting. Such prim and proper behavior for a 27 year old. So anyways, dropped it off at the dry cleaners first thing Monday morning. The sweet, ancient chinese lady promised, "Ohh, no problem Mr. [Redacted]. I have this clean tomorrow." So, I went on about my day and didn't think about it again. Until Tuesday morning. Went to pick it up, and there it was. Hanging right in the front for all the world to see. Huge massive stains all over the front, the side, EVERYWHERE. My jaw dropped, tears almost welled up. She says, "Oh, so sorry. We had no luck. You should stop being party boy." Sorry? This is Armani, not to mention BRAND NEW. ANND my Mom is going to kill me.

Me:

Hey, hold on one second, party boy. It's the world's smallest violin on the other line, I think it wants it's song back.